If Politicians are Going to Dye Their Hair - Why Don't They At Least Get It Done Well

I am deeply troubled by the trend of politicians, in particular presidential candidates, to comically dye their hair. Moreover, the Ronald McDonald character of these dye-job-in-a-box efforts is being extended to eyebrows. This disturbing trend is an obvious sign of the coming apocalypse. Tommy Thompson's appearance this morning on This Week with George Stephanoplus was the latest incidence of metrosexual efforts gone awry. During my youth, I recall chuckling at the feeble efforts of faded starlets to appear younger. The vainglorious efforts were quietly accepted as signs of senility.

No such acceptance should be afforded to egomaniacal men seeking the uber-prize, the presidency. I'm not troubled by the want to appear younger (or maybe just less old), but if you make the decision to dye your hair, see fit to place the job in the hands of a talented professional and not aisle 3 at Walmart. Tommy Thompson's hair color did not even remotely appear to otherwise exist in nature.

While I'm on this important topic, I should note another male hair trend I find troubling. The trend appears to be driven by the universal condemnation of the comb-over. Balding men have taken to either growing their remaining hair to ridiculous lengths or thickness. The most recognizable example of the later is Karl Rove. Despite having mere wisps of hair across his dome and rather cropped hair on the sides, the back of his head has a ridiculously abundant tuft of hair. I suspect the genesis of Hair Emergency is twofold. Firstly, as I mentioned above, the loss of the comb-over as an acceptable hair style choice has left the hair challenged befuddled and without good options. Secondly, I suspect that self-styling is the primary causation.

It is well documented that balding men bristle at the fact that their haircuts cost as much as haircuts for the folliclely unchallenged. While to the best of my knowledge, no genetic link between male pattern baldness and being cheap has yet been established, the anecdotal evidence is unassailable. The end result is that in bathrooms throughout the Beltway terrible, terrible thing are happening . The only chance we have of stopping this is to expose the problem in the same way the uni-brow and the comb-over were. Please help.